Gentle Answer

Proverb 15: 1

A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger. The tongue of the wise makes knowledge acceptable, but the mouth of fools spouts folly.

The way we say things can be as significant as what we say. This lesson is important in the homestead as well as the workplace. How we speak to our children and spouses will often be the message they hear. One can start a fight just in the way they speak, but let’s take a closer look at that.

The proverb says a gentle answer turns away wrath. That means the words we choose are important. It specifically does not suggest we choose scathing words and couch them in a chuckle or a smooth voice. That person is not a wise person being gentle. He is a weasel, a slick salesman who thinks so little of those around him that he believes he can fool them with his vocal gyrations. People see through that and are offended and angered. That can stir up a fight as much as a nasty tone. A wise person knows how to convey, even a difficult message, in a polite way. They choose words that are not harsh and they show respect for others even in correction.

Wise people are able to communicate wisdom in the face of adversity whereas fools spout so much foolishness in their pretense of being wise. They stir up strife where the wise person finds a way to soften a response and to defuse a situation. They are able to tell people the hard truth but in a way that causes the recipient to be grateful even when the truth stings a bit.

Truth is a value, but it must be delivered in a way that another can receive it. Don’t use truth to batter another but rather to free them. Show kindness and gentleness in your speech and in your choice of words.

Proverb 15

Gentle Speech

Proverb 15: 1, 4

A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger. A soothing tongue is a tree of life, but perversion in it crushes the spirit.

This is such an important lesson to learn and I know many of you have. For the rest of us, it is an easy way to fail. I have learned that the same message can be conveyed abruptly or gently, harshly or mildly. It often takes more words to say something gently, but the message is received more easily when it is offered in tender words.

I am the kind of person who likes to just say what I am thinking and move on with life. I don’t like taking the time to craft a sentence with fifteen words when I can say it with five. However, I am learning that gentility of speech is a major leadership skill. The time it takes to make the message more palatable is worth the effort in the way your hearers receive it.

Tone of voice is important too, as you know, and we all need to learn to take the time and effort to speak with one another in gentle tones and with soothing words. Many household arguments could be avoided by answering in a gentle way. It is guaranteed that if you answer your spouse with a harsh word that you are going to stir up the hornet’s nest.

You can make your same point and have it received more readily when you use soothing language, gentle speech. People are able to hear your message rather than conflict with the means of conveyance. When we are short with people, they have already stopped listening from the start. It seems like a waste of time and energy to use flowery speech when two or three words can get the job done but when you consider that the communication involves two people you can also see that not alienating one of them will make our communication more effective.

There is no value in stirring up anger. The value we have for our listeners really demands that we consider the wrapping our message is cloaked in. None of us wishes to crush the spirit of the listener and even though it may feel like a waste of your time, the spirit of the other person weighs more heavily in the calculation. I wish everyone would let me communicate in my communication style but is it obvious from this proverb that there are effective and ineffective ways of speaking to people. If we want to be a blessing, then we have to learn to use gentle language rather than harsh and abrupt. Just consider it a part of your own personal growth and a way to bless God. In the end, you may find that you are the one most blessed by your gentle turn of a phrase.