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Matthew 28: 20

I am with you always, even to the end of the age.

I had an interesting conversation with our Father this week. Let me share honestly and be completely transparent. I have had a bit of a frustrating week, not bad mind you, just some hiccups that I have allowed to derail me a bit. By the way, the remedy for this is always the same for me, spend more time with my Dad. And, so I did. We were talking about Him always being with me and truthfully, I felt a little selfish and told Him so. I confessed that no matter what I do right or how unfaithful I am to Him, I, none the less, expect Him to be with me all of the time. I expect Him to sleep with me at night, go to my workouts with me, write the Word of the Day and just generally accompany me in everything I do. So, as we were chatting guilt and condemnation poured through me, of my own devise though, not of His doing. I knew I didn’t deserve for Him to be with me every minute of every day and yet, I fully expect it. I knew I wasn’t spending as much time with Him as I should or in His Word like I ought. Now “should” and “ought” are always dangerous words so when you hear them you need to take care that you are not judging yourself and if you are, you need your own forgiveness. None the less, my heart was aware of spending less time doing the “churchy” stuff but still expecting Him beside me always. Then Jesus reminded me of this verse.

He promised to be with me “always” and he didn’t qualify it. He didn’t say he would be with me when I deserve it, thank God, because I never deserve it. He didn’t say he would be with me when I need him or when I ask. He said always. Therefore, if he didn’t stay by my side night and day, even when I don’t deserve it, he would be a liar and that just cannot be. He made me a promise and that’s the end of that.

However, there was a sting in the tail of this one. After reassuring me, he asked me a question. Ivey, I am with you all the time but are you with me? Ouch Jesus! That hurt. I had mentally back away because I felt my unworthiness. Usually I realize how unworthy I am, but I am so overcome with the worthiness of the lamb that my failures get overshadowed. Usually I am so bathed in the worthiness of the blood that I am confident before the Father and the Son. Worthiness just isn’t something I am generally concerned with. Even asking the Father about our own worthiness is so egocentric that it is repulsive. Still, in this case I felt the inequity of our fellowship and the high expectations I have of Him.

The moral of the story – it turns out that both Father and Son are happy that I have such high expectations of them. I believe in them and I believe their word. That pleased them. They were so nonplussed about what had me conflicted. And look, my response, thanks to their grace, was to run to them to spend more time with them.

I don’t deserve the love and dedication they show me. I don’t deserve for them to bless everything I touch, and to go with me everywhere. They don’t do it because I deserve it. They do it because they love me and the funny thing is, they enjoy my confidence in their presence. It is strengthening me even as I write this because their joy is in our being together. I hope they want to go to a meeting tonight because I am taking them with me.

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